Never Again
by Queen Artemis
Summary: Songfic to Nickelback's Never Again Rated T for mature read abuse themes Slight Dasey


Disclaimer: I don't own Life With Derek nor do I own Nickelback's Never Again. I own a car though, and would gladly sell it for the rights to either of those things.

* * *

Casey McDonald woke up in a cold sweat, the echoes of her scream ringing around her darkened room. She could hear the running steps of her family coming to check on her, but couldn't shake out of the miasma surrounding her mind. She was trembling, tears rolling down her cheeks, and she couldn't move. Her sister burst into the room, followed closely by her stepbrothers and her mom and stepdad.

"Casey, what's wrong?" Lizzie cried, looking frightened. Derek and Edwin looked confused as Nora rushed over to Casey and grabbed her into a protective hug.

"Was it the dream again, Casey?" Nora asked softly, rubbing slow circles on Casey's back. Casey shuddered, gazing blankly at the wall. "Shh, baby," Nora whispered softly, motioning for George to take the other kids out of the room. George nodded, shepherding his still-confused sons out, but Lizzie refused.

"No!" she yelled, glaring at George and Nora both before tiptoeing to sit next to Casey. She put her head on Casey's shoulder and started to cry too. Nora looked at George helplessly and mouthed, _it's fine, she can stay_, before turning back to her daughters and embracing both of them. George looked worriedly at the three women before softly shutting the door.

_**The Next Morning**_

"So what was up last night, Spacey?" Derek asked casually, leaning against the kitchen counter, drinking from the milk carton.

"Use a glass," Casey snapped, glowering at him. "And nothing was up. I had a bad dream. It happens." Her trembling hands and terrified look in her eyes belied her words.

"C'mon Case, this is the third night this week that you have woken all of us up screaming. Obviously it's not just a bad dream. And Nora seems to think it's the same dream each time. What's it about?"

"Nothing," Casey snapped. "Why do you even care, anyways?" She looked condescendingly at him. "It's not like you were asleep or anything. It was only one o'clock, after all."

Derek smirked. "Some of us have lives," he informed her.

"Yeah, whatever," Casey muttered, not really in the mood to argue. Just then, Nora came into the room.

"Sweetie, I called Jackson. He had a meeting he couldn't reschedule this morning, but he said to come over right after school. Unfortunately, neither George nor I can get away from work this afternoon so Derek," she said, looking at him before continuing. "You'll have drive Casey after school. I've already arranged for rides for the younger kids."

Derek looked at Nora in askance. "Why the heck to I have to drive her? And where? Sam and I had plans after school…" He trailed off at the look on Nora's face.

"I don't care what kind of plans you had! You're driving Casey whether you want to or not. Here's the address." She slapped a piece of paper in Derek's hand. He looked at the paper and almost brought the topic up again. The place was all the way over in Toronto, for Pete's sake. But then he really looked at Nora and decided against it. Like Casey, she had bags under her eyes and her hands were trembling. It was obvious, whatever the dream had been about, it wasn't pleasant, for her or Casey.

"Yeah, whatever. I'll meet you at the car after school," he muttered, before gulping down a last mouthful of milk, slamming the carton onto the counter, picking up his bag and striding out the door.

_**That Afternoon, in the Car**_

Casey sat in the passenger seat, hands still trembling. They hadn't stopped all day. She shuddered, remembering what sparked it.

Derek looked over at his passenger and took in her white complexion and her still-shaking hands. "Wanna talk about it?"

Casey shook her head, willing herself not to cry. She knew if she actually said something, she would break down in tears. It was still there, right underneath the surface, even after all these years.

"C'mon Spacey," Derek said, affectionately using his nickname for her, "you know it will be better if you talk about it."

Casey turned her head and stared blankly out the window. "It won't ever be better," she muttered. "Nothing can make it better. Nothing can change the past."

Derek looked at her in confusion. "What past?"

Casey shuddered again. "I don't want to talk about it. I don't want to think about it. I just…I don't…I…I…" she stuttered, tears starting to roll down her cheeks. "I can't so this," she gasped out. "Please, Derek, please just take me home. I can't go. He'll make me talk about it. Please, please don't make me go." By this time, tears were flowing freely from her eyes and Casey was begging Derek in a high-pitched voice.

Derek pulled onto the side of the road and stopped the car. "What's going on, Casey? Where am I taking you that you don't want to go so badly? And what don't you want to talk about?" He saw the stubborn look on her face and sat back against the seat. "I'm not moving this car until you start to talk," he ordered.

Casey gulped and tried to stop crying, but couldn't. "Fine," she whispered in a shattered voice. "You wanna know? Fine. But don't say I didn't warn you…" her voice trailed off as she tried to find the words to speak.

"My mom was married before. You know, before she met your dad. She and my dad got divorced before Lizzie was born. When my dad left, she was…broken. I remember listening to her cry for hours before Lizzie was born. After she got out of the hospital, she stopped crying. And she…changed. She started going out every night, getting drunk and coming home with men. Every night it was a new man. I don't remember much more, because I was only three at the time, but I remember enough to realize now that she was a drunk."

Casey stopped, and Derek looked at her, confused. He figured the story couldn't stop there, because, although it seemed pretty traumatic, for a three-year-old, it wouldn't have meant much. And then Casey started speaking again.

"This continued until the night she left Lizzie and me alone. I was about five, and Lizzie was two. Lizzie wouldn't stop crying, and I didn't know what to do, so I called 911. They came and took me and Lizzie away to a home, and arrested Mom. My dad was…somewhere, out of the country, so they let my Aunt Fiona take us in. We stayed with her for about a year while my mom got cleaned up and sober. The day she came to pick us up from Aunt Fiona's was the happiest day of my life.

For two years, we were happy together. And then my mom started dating _him_."

Casey stopped again and took a quivering breath. When she started speaking again, Derek noticed the strangest thing. All emotion had left Casey's voice, and she was speaking as if reading from a script.

"Everything was fine while they were dating. He loved taking me and Lizzie along on dates with them, and we would go to the most fun places. When he proposed, Mom, Lizzie and I were so happy. They decided to make it a short engagement, and they were married less than a month later. That's when things got bad. He started drinking at night, and when he was drunk he got…violent. At first it was just a little push here and there, or maybe grabbing Mom or shoving her out of the way, but eventually," a tiny tear rolled down her cheek, "eventually he started hitting her."

_He's drunk again, it's time to fight  
She must have done something wrong tonight  
The living room becomes a boxing ring  
It's time to run when you see him  
Clenching his hands  
She's just a woman  
Never Again_

"He would find something almost every night that someone had done wrong. Most of the time it was Mom. His dinner wasn't warm enough, or the bed wasn't made properly, or something along those lines. We knew it was coming because he would start clenching his hands and his mouth would start to curl. I would take Lizzie and run and hide in our room, and most of the time he stayed away. We could hear him with Mom, though. It sounded like a boxing match.

He didn't do it every night. Some nights he would come home, and he was sober, and things were just like they had been when he and Mom had been dating, except now we were all scared of him. Mom tried to get us to forget about it, tried to make it seem like a bad dream, and Lizzie was only six, so she went along with it, but...but I just couldn't."

_I hear a scream, from down the hall  
Amazing she can even talk at all  
She cries to me, Go back to bed  
I'm terrified, She'll wind up dead  
In his hands, She's just a woman  
Never Again_

Casey kept staring out the window as she talked, not seeing the road but the man who haunted her dreams at night. Derek grabbed her hand and started rubbing it with his thumb as she continued to talk.

"One night, he was hitting her, and I just got so mad, so I went into the hallway and yelled at him. Mom tried to stop me, yelled at me to get back in bed, but he heard me. He got so mad; he came charging down the hall. I was so scared. I didn't know what to do, so I just stood there, like a deer caught in the headlights. He started hitting me, and I started crying and Lizzie was screaming and he yelled at her to shut up before dragging her out of the room and hitting her too. Mom was trying to stop him, but he slammed her against a wall." Derek was shocked that there was absolutely no emotion in Casey's voice. Nothing.

"He stopped after we were all cowering before him, and he apologized the next morning, but I was still scared of him. I tried to let my teacher know at school, but she just ignored it. I guess she didn't want to deal with any of it."

_Been there before, but not like this  
Seen it before, but not like this  
Never before have I ever  
Seen it this bad  
She's just a woman  
Never Again  
_

"He kept doing it. Not every night, but it was getting more and more frequent. It was like an elevator. He would get on and be perfectly happy, but as the elevator rose he would get angrier and angrier, and when he finally reached the top floor, there were me, my mom, and Lizzie. So he would beat us all, and then he would feel better and the elevator would go back down, but we were still left with the mess." Casey's voice started to quiver, as if all of her pent up emotion was finally starting to crack her shell.

_  
Just tell the nurse, you slipped and fell  
It starts to sting as it starts to swell  
She looks at you, she wants the truth  
It's right out there in the waiting room  
With those hands  
Lookin' just as sweet as he can  
Never Again _

"One night he ended up breaking my arm, and we had to go to the hospital. On the way, he told me that it was an accident, that I slipped and fell, and I knew that's what he wanted me to say, but I just didn't know how I could. And then he told me that if I told anyone what had really happened, he would take Lizzie and my Mom and they would leave me all alone. I hated him, but I didn't want to be alone. And I didn't want my mom and Lizzie somewhere I couldn't protect them, so I agreed. The nurse came in to examine my arm, and all I remember is it hurting, and looking into the nurse's eyes when she asked me what had happened, and wanting so badly to tell her that it was my stepdad, but I just couldn't do it. I couldn't do it, Derek. I couldn't protect my family."

And that's what broke the dam. Casey started crying, large, painful, broken sobs. Derek looked freaked out for a minute, but she looked so much like Marti at the moment, scared and young and needing someone to hold her and chase the monsters away, that he gave in and grabbed her head and leaned it against his chest while she cried. 

Seen it before, but not like this  
Been there before, but not like this  
Never before have I ever  
Seen it this bad  
She's just a woman  
Never Again 

Ten or so minutes later, her sobs subsided and Casey managed to lift her head. "Th-thanks," she gulped, rubbing her arm across her face to get rid of the tear tracks. "I guess I needed that," she said with a little laugh, but it fell flat.

Derek just looked at her. "Have you ever talked to anyone about this?"

Casey sat back up and looked at her hands. "After…after what happened happened, the jud…my mom took me to see a counselor. The one we were going to see today. Jackson," she clarified. "I just couldn't ever talk about it. It hurt too much. It still hurts. It's still terrifying. Sometimes I wake up seeing his face and his hands and I get so scared…"she trailed off.

Derek looked at her knowingly. "So that's what the nightmares lately have been about?"

Casey swallowed and wouldn't look him in the eye. "No," she whispered softly. 

Father's a name you haven't earned yet 

"I called my dad a couple of times, trying to tell him, but he didn't believe me and yelled at my mom for letting me call him with this crazy story. I guess he just didn't want to believe that his daughters were being hurt so badly. He was in another country again, so he couldn't have done much anyways. But sometimes I wonder what would have happened if he had believed me…if he had come and taken Lizzie and I away."

_  
You're just a child with a temper  
Haven't you heard "Don't hit a lady"?  
Kickin' your ass would be a pleasure _

"So your dad not coming…is that the nightmare? No one comes to save you? Because if it is," Derek continued, cutting Casey off, "You don't ever have to worry about that again. I mean, we're family. I'll always come to rescue…" he trailed off at the look in her eyes.

"Thank you. You have no idea what that means to me. And I know I can count on you. You always come through when I need you. But that's still not what the nightmares are about." She swallowed hard before continuing.

"The nightmares are about how it ended."

He's drunk again, it's time to fight  
Same old shit, just on a different night  
She grabs the gun, she's had enough  
Tonight she'll find out how fucking  
Tough is this man  
Pulls the trigger as fast as she can  
Never Again  


"Someone told me once that there are two ways out of an abusive relationship – to run or to fight back. Mom refused to do either. It just kept getting worse and worse. The beatings were every day, rather than once or twice a week. I went to school almost every day with a new bruise somewhere, but no one noticed. No one cared.

Then one day, it got a hundred times worse. He came home enraged, yelling and throwing things almost before the door closed. He had seen Mom talking to a police officer at the grocery store that day. She hadn't told the officer anything, she wouldn't have dared, but he didn't care. He was hitting her, standing over her and yelling while his fists hit every part of her body. He didn't stop with hitting. He kicked her and threw stuff at her. Lizzie and I were watching from the hallway, and Lizzie started crying hysterically. He lunged over and grabbed her and starting beating her too, but not before promising me I would be next. I saw him doing that, and I saw my mom on the floor, not moving, and Lizzie was screaming, and I got so mad that I finally grew some backbone. I tiptoed into his bedroom and went to his dresser where I knew he kept a loaded gun. He had threatened Mom with it before, always pointing it at me or Lizzie to keep her in line. So I grabbed it walked down the hall, and…"

Casey stopped. Derek looked at her like she was insane. "And what?!? Did you shoot him?"

Casey looked ashamed. "I tried to. I pointed it at his head and pulled the trigger, but I had never shot a gun before and…and the shot went awry. But he heard it and he looked up from Lizzie and came storming over to me. He picked me up and started shaking me, yelling at me, and hitting me. While he was shaking me I dropped the gun onto the floor. While he was hitting me, my mom came to and saw him. She said she thought that he was going to kill me, and that's when she saw the gun, and knew there was only one way to stop him. So she shot him in the head. He was still holding me when she did, and he fell on top of me and got blood all over me, and it's still there, Derek," she said, sobbing again. "It's still there, all over me. I scrub and scrub and scrub, but it's still there. And I failed. I couldn't protect Mom and Lizzie, so Mom had to. And she had to go to jail. Just for a little bit, until the trial, but they took us away from her again. And she almost didn't win. The only proof that she had was our hospital records, and nothing could be proved from that, except for the night it happened. And no one knew if it was him or her. So I had to tell them. I had to tell that entire courtroom that I had tried to kill him, but I had failed, so Mom had to. Everyone was looking at me, and judging me for not protecting them. That's what I see every night, Derek. I see the blood and the stares and it reminds me that I couldn't protect them, even though it was my job."

_  
Seen it before, but not like this  
Been there before, but not like this  
Never before have I ever  
Seen it this bad  
She's just a woman  
Never Again_

Derek held Casey's head against him while she sobbed. Then he cupped her face and brought her head up to look into her eyes.

"Casey McDonald," he said sternly. "You did everything that you could to protect your family, and more on top of that. It was your mom's, your dad's, your teacher's, heck even the nurse's job to do more. You tried to tell them and they wouldn't listen. They're the ones who failed, not you. What's more, all those people in the courtroom weren't thinking what a failure you were. They were amazed at how strong and brave and courageous you had to have been in order to even try and shoot your stepdad. The fact that you survived, the fact that you and Lizzie and Nora thrived after that is proof. Only someone with extraordinary courage could have survived something like that, and come around to become the wonderful, sweet, amazing, beautiful…" he trailed off at the look shining out of her eyes. And then Derek did something he never thought we would have the courage to do. He kissed Casey.

And Casey kissed him back. The problems weren't gone. The nightmares were still going to come, she would still have to talk to a professional, and she would still have days where she knew she was at fault. What she didn't know was that when she would have days like that, Derek would be there, holding her hand and teasing her out of her funk. She didn't know that Derek would take her to the counselor's and be there when she came out, holding her and wiping her tears away. She didn't know that he would be there to hold her when the nightmares came, to soothe away her fears. At that moment, all she knew was that Derek was there, kissing her, holding her, and she had never felt so safe or loved.

They broke away, gasping for breath. Casey looked down at her hands and blushed. And then Derek continued what he had started saying. "The annoying young woman I know today." And he smirked at her.

* * *

A/N: Ok, I know it was morbid. I know it was disturbing. What can I say? This is what happens when I listen to songs like this. Disturbing ideas...

Anyways, for those of you who read my other stories, thank you! And I promise I will update them soon! Hopefully I will have an update for either _A Midsummer Night's...Derek?!_ or _Country Ladies Tribute to Dasey_ tonight and the other tomorrow.


End file.
